Fifty Shades Freed (dir. James Foley)

Selling a 125 million copies of a New York Times best-selling novel should guarantee you the following: fame, fortune and an inevitable cinematic adaptation. In the case of E.L James' wildly popular erotic-bandage stories - which saw literature student Anastasia Steele fall in love with tormented and kinky business magnate Christian Grey - they've achieved those accolades for all those involved with relative ease. But with all popularity comes criticism, and they have survived a lambasting reception from the critics on both the prose and it's cinematic installments.

Some view it as a perverse and misogynistic depiction of a love-story with arousing animalistic sex, whilst others as a post-twilight love story pitting two unlikely damaged people. No matter though, because a $541 million worldwide gross has the loudest voice, and there's no need to wonder what motivated Universal to green-light the sequels to James' erotic tales. Fifty Shades Darker in 2017 followed Fifty Shades of Grey in 2015. Yet for all the controversy with which the filmic adaptations have garnered and the fanbase it has occurred, a third and final installment is finally here in the shape of Fifty Shades Freed: unfortunately for those involved, it's yet another example of Hollywood's ability to squeeze available profit out of a series which would have been better suited with just the single entry.

Following immediately on from it's predecessor, Anastasia (Dakota Johnson) and Christian Grey (Jamie Dorman) appear to have it all. Surrounded by loved ones, our final installment begins with their serene wedding in the apparent gorgeous European countryside. Returning to Seattle where Anastasia continues work as a fully-fledged book publisher, they're attention must refrain from undressing themselves in front of each-other and whipping and hitting one another, as a terrorist attack on Grey industries ushers the return of our newly married duo. Responsible for the attack is ex-work associate of Anastasia's and disgruntled former book-publisher editor Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson) - who is now hellbent on exacting revenge on the Grey's by any means necessary, and seems to have dabbled in some light espionage.

But of course this all becomes window dressing to the real interest of the film. At the heart of the fifty shades series is a an underlying love story which just so happens to be based on mutual interest in bondage. Whether anyone actually cares what happens when they're not in the red room (Chritian's sex dungeon awash with sexy toys) is up for debate - and even though the film swiftly moves from the usual cliched first year marriage woes, to a kidnapping plot straight from a latin soap opera, it merely wants to throw different sub-plots at the screen before returning to the mommy-porn which sold the tickets. It's a film which became a phenomenon due to it's brave representation of a young-girl in the midst of a sexual odyssey she still appears to not fully understand, and even though the kinky and racy moments are handled with efficiency by the experienced director, there not in the least bit arousing.

As the drama progresses, it's hard to ignore the more blatant mis-steps. At times, Foley's camp melodrama could be easily mistaken for a tourism ad for the latest European city the love-able couple decided to venture off to - with an added interest in Audi automobiles, also. We all understand how Hollywood films work in regards to product placement, but it's perhaps more visible here due to the sluggish writing and ear-scrapingly bad dialogue. But of course Foley can't be solely blamed for this tame swan song - it's all down to the source material. Notoriously stubborn during the first films production, author E.L James was adamant that her infamous dialogue and plot points were not tampered with by director Sam Taylor Johnson on the big screen (apparently she's just that impressed with lines like "I'm impressed with your kinky fuckery") - and it was clearly inevitable that Razzie awards and universal derision followed given the sheer awfulness of the language on screen. Here - there's more of the same shamefully embarrassing dialogue on show, with the addition of some underwritten supporting roles in Luke Grimes' (Elliot), Eloise Mumford (Kate) and Rita Ora (Kate) - that only seem to exist to bolster the films running time to suit a more marketable final product.

Much has been documented around the controversy of the series, with many groups commenting that the story is not romantic and more a depiction of a woman being abused. There was always a rampant strain of misogyny throughout the saga, but it was masqueraded in the aggressive sex sequences which seemed to make it seem okay for a man to behave with only his sexual gratification in mind. But as the series has progressed, Christian's behavior became much more controlling and indeed childish. Even if Fifty Shades Freed is remarkably dull and rife with amateurish writing (which it is); it's central character is wholly problematic - a particular scene at the beginning of the film in which he barges into Anastasia's office and berates her on her hesitancy at changing her surname to her newly married one is played as a cute and affectionate squabble but is awkward to watch and says more about his controlling tendencies than his love for Anastasia.

It’s not unholy unwatchable - the sheer amount of money thrown at the screen at least makes the glossy visuals mildly arresting. Imagine watching a 4K high-definition car crash on a imax screen. It’s gorgeous to look at, not only because of the location scouting, which hops from Paris to Aspen and back to Seattle, but it’s all surface, and it’s all too pointless int the grans scheme of the narrative. The Fifty Shades phenomenon arguably died down after it's first visual incarnation, with many surprised the following novels were even worth transforming to the big screen. But as everything else in life revolves around sex - so should the fifty shades series final be judged on it's "Last Tango In Paris" style bondage - but for a film which boasts a tagline "Don't miss the climax", you're probably better of going out on your own this time.

Rating 1.5/5